|
|
|
|
My love rocking out for her b-day.
|
DannyPrice
|
You are a rockstar Jason
Tuesday, April 3, 2007 8:51 AM
|
Seth Angelus
|
Avril Lavigne: Girlfriend-A Brief Analysis Based On Analysis Briefs
In today's edition of pop culture review, we gaze our critical eyes at Mrs. Lavigne, Canada's answer to Pre-solo Gwen
Stefani and Debbie Gibson of yesteryear. She has grown from spunk rock rebel sk8r-gurl princess annoyance of the
constellation who-gives-a-fuck to someone I would actually spend 10 to 15 minutes having sexy time with,
depending if captain winkypants doesn't dump his precious cargo in the first few minutes of anal screwing.
Today, we analyze her latest contribution to the current bastardization of music posing as punk rock. Here, in
her Ryan Seacrest-approved "Girlfriend", she speaks volumes of young female empowerment and the assertive nature
that most women lack in regards to "reeling in" that special someone.
Girlfriend
Hey! Hey! You! You!
Here, she clearly points out that she means business. Here, the wild Avrilinus Cuntinus spots her prey and
prepares for her lyrical pounce. She spots her man and calls out to him like a naked siren spread-eagled upon the crescent shore.
I don't like your girlfriend!
She states her distaste for her future mate's current partner. She is displaying her competitive nature.
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!
I could be your girlfriend
Here, Avril is trying her best to display her dominance over her competition. She is so ferocious in her assertiveness here that she puts the wild in Marty Stouffer's Wild America, a show that I still hold dear to my scornful, bitter heart.
[Chorus repeats]
You're so fine!
You blow my mind, hey mickey.
I want you mine!
Here, she completely skips "to be" and goes straight towards the end. "I want you mine" is a much more efficient way of not only stating one's intentions, but that anyone in the same position would skip basic rules of syntax to pursue one's passions.
You're so delicious!!
Fergurishus?!??
I think about ya all the time--
Can anyone truly say they have never thought about someone all the time? I know I have. Her name was Sparrow. She was Dutch.
You're so addictive!
Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?
Ah, yes. The promise. The incentive. The seduction. Here, Avril is making it apparent that she can make the lips of her future-partner's lips quiver with her own smooth and toned all-hail-the-red-leaf thighs and subsequent luscious perky pear-like breasts. She is offering herself in a proverbial silver platter towards her love target, and she knows that resistance is futile.
(alright alright alright alright)
alright
Don't pretend, I think you know I'm damn precious!
*chuckle chuckle* Oh, Avril. You indeed are precious. Precious to my heart. Precious to my soul. *Precious and fragile things. Need special handling. My God what have we done to you?
Hell yeah..
I'm the motherfucking princess!!!
Oh, my.
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right!
(I'm right I'm right I'm right)
Submit to the will of Avril! How can any man resist her charms? She knows you wish to vex her and vex her hard and she knows you know that she knows! Can any man escape her peacock-tail eyes? Can he?!??
She's like, so whatever!
As a gentleman and a royal emissary of her Majesty's Secret Staatspolizei, I can tell you that I absolutely hate it when she's like "so whatever." What does that even mean? What kind of cheap escape of language is that? Avril completely feels me on this and the nation's frowned-upon stance on googley space-talk.
You could do so much better!
Ah, I have heard these words so many times in my personal life. Here, Avril sings about the one fault inherent in all of us when we choose our potential temporary partners: our choice itself. One asks oneself, "could I have done better? Should I have dated Helen when I had the chance? She's so small though, but cute..like a small chihuahua-piranha hybrid plush doll.
I think we should get together now!!!
Time is precious to those that cannot afford to waste anymore time to waste time anymore.
And that's what everyone's talking about!
Even Becky in Mr. Chestnut's class knows he likes her@!!W@
[Edited by Seth Angelus on 4/5/2007 7:08:31 PM. Reason for edit: *see depeche mode]
Friday, April 6, 2007 4:58 AM
|
|
|
|
